This is the first okay day I have had in a really long time. I finally feel like I'm moving in the right direction and I'm really hoping this feeling sticks. Because otherwise.. well otherwise I'm not really sure but something would have to change. I can't keep living how I've been living, feeling as low as I've been.

One minute there is a full bag of tostito chips with a full can of salsa and the next minute they are almost all gone. Whaaaaat!

These next couple of months need to fly by, I am pulling out my freaking hair here.

All I have been doing is playing solitaire, eating and trying to ignore the fact that it is winter. Which means, I haven't left my house much recently and I'm getting way too fucking puffy. I hate Michigan.

"you seem so.."
disconnected.

I wish someone could tell me what to do.

I would just like to state that I am angry with America's Best contacts and lenses because they won't let me order contacts! And I don't care if it's policy but my eyes are fine and I really don't have the extra cash to go in and get a new prescription so now I am stuck with my glasses and I really miss my contacts. So dumb! And everything else I could update about are just more meaningless rants except for; halloween the night before anyway, was pretty fun and dressing up is my favorite. They started playing christmas music at work and I love it! It was nice being out of work by 3 today and i have wednesday off, yessss! My little brother and his friends are downstairs playing D&D. I am so disappointed in him; he should be out getting drunk and banging bitches. Well, not quite because him growing up makes me sad but ANYTHING is cooler than D&D.

Must. Stop. Eating. Pizza.

You see, the thing about boundaries is that there are no boundaries and the thing about me is well, I just don't make any sense. Everything i had said went right out the window.

Death Cab For Cutie is pretty much the best thing ever for these half assed winter days.

(I can't remember how to do a lj cut)
For some reason I think this song is super sexy. I'm totally in love with it.

Left uninspired by the crust of railroad earth that touched the lead to the pages of your manuscript.
I took my thumb off the concrete and saved up all my strength to hammer pillars for a picket fence.
It wasn't quite what it seemed... a lack of pleasantries, my able body isn't what it used to be.
I must admit I was charmed by your advances... your advantage left me helplessly into you.
Talking how the group had begun to splinter and I could taste your lipstick on the filter.
I tried my best to keep my distance from your dress but call-response overturns convictions every time.
My memory cannot recall, a wave of alcohol, we shared a cigarette and shaved the hours off
talking how the group had begun to splinter and I could taste your lipstick on the filter
Lushing with the hallway congregation, my best judgement signed its resignation.
I rushed this, we moved too fast, trips into the guestroom. I rushed this.

I'm getting my ribs done november 6th! i'm so excited!

The whole lot of money I owe from when my car broke down and when my wisdom teeth were removed is really keeping me on the ground. It's never ending. Every payment I make seems to just be useless with more than half of my payment being INTEREST and it's not even my credit card so I'm not building any credit when I should be. This week is like the bill week from hell. Everything under the sun is due! And I still need to buy a halloween costume. I have tons to do today. I guess it's a good thing my body woke me up at nine.

I'm still trying to figure out what kind of girl I am and I'm okay with that.

If this past week was anything like how my winter is going to be, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.

Right now I just need tissue and sleep. and michael. Oh I can get so needy sometimes.

I kind of want to go to one of the All You Can Eat Lion's games. because IT'S ALL YOU CAN EAT. that is amazing!

So I got a second job at Lover's Lane and today was my first day and it might also be my last day, well almost. I work again Wednesday and if my boss is as much of a bitch then as she was today, it's not going to work out. It is so not worth the headache and her being up my ass every day for my schedule, her exact words to me were "well I guess it's my fault then for hiring you" because I have another job. Do people not listen anymore? I was crystal fucking clear with her when she interviewed me about my inconsistent schedule that is made on a weekly basis. Apparently she thought I was just kidding. And on top of that she appears to be a bitch all around, not just to me because when she was asking me questions about why a customer didn't like the corset she got all fucking pissy and bitchy because of that. Get the foot long dildo out of your ass, bitch.

Phew, livejournal, had to get that out!

I'm eating a hot dog and it is delicious. I had my first big math test on saturday and I'm super nervous about how I did. I have to wait until Wednesday night/ thursday morning to pick the test up and ahh, it's driving me crazy! My math teacher is also a bitch. It must be bitch season or something.

My twenty first is in a little over a month. f i n a l l y.

Oh and lately I've definitely been in the "every one is so full of shit" mood. Can't count on anyone these days, let alone trust them.

My math teacher is an idiot, I too, however can be an idiot. I'm getting sick, or am sick, I'm basically hoping I don't get worse. I can't concentrate on anything because of my damn headache that won't go away and my cat keeps closing the door on herself in the bathroom. Law and Order SVU will forever be the best show ever and I have seriously been neglecting my homework for the past week. I am also starving. I'm getting about 34 hours a week, every week lately which is pretty damn alright. I'm still looking for a second job though to push me up closer to 50. Gotta get them greens.

The end.

Pss, Mackel's birthday is this friday. I love him so much. Plus I think he's a total babe.

Things are wonderful.

School started yesterday, taking two online classes so I can keep up with my work schedule. It appears that they will be pretty easy, no big deal classes. I'm not at the Art Institute anymore, that place is a fucking joke! I'm at Henry Ford Community College. I'm ready to do some more remodeling! I want so badly to tear carpet out and knock things down, haha. It's such a stress reliever to focus on a room and just get it done. Getting my mom's permission however and talking with her about it... is where the stress comes from. So anyway I've dropped about two sizes in about a year and half but the funny thing is, the scale hasn't budged a bit! I went to the doctors yesterday and I'm only a pound down from where I was at last year, which is crazy! And I'm obviously thinner but it's really bothering me that the scale isn't moving down! I know muscle weighs more than fat but come on!

And livejournal, I will refrain from getting into all of my issues with the government but just know, I am angry. I'm currently and slowly working my way through the THOUSAND paged health care bill and I seriously recommend every one who is reading this to do the same. Stay informed and stay educated.

Speaking of staying informed, I missed a little something a few months ago. Today I found out that Bob Barr, the 2008 presidential candidate I voted for was the original author of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA, signed into law by Clinton). According to the Libertarian party website, Barr is currently working towards overturning the law (how many of your previous votes can you regret?) Regardless, I still got really upset. In all honesty, I still probably would have voted for him if I would have known this months ago (because I sure wasn't going to vote Mccain or Obama) and he was a "republican" when DOMA was written/passed (13 years ago) but it only makes me question what his true feelings are on the subject (Wait, do politicians even have true feelings? DOUBTFUL. scratch that). Luckily, he is now working with the libertarian party who is pro-gay marriage (and as I'm sure we all know, I love the gays so it's a big deal).

Oh fucking politicians.

On that note, I leave you all, the two of you who might still read this, with a Thomas Jefferson quote.

"To take from one because it is thought that his own industry and that of his father’s has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers, have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association—the guarantee to every one of a free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it."