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It's not that I'm not happy.

Hello. Long time, no update.

I like to think that people come in and out of our lives for a reason but lately I'm having a hard time believing that. Believing in much of anything actually. What is the point if everything is so random and excusable? I used to think that I would always find an answer, find the way, that my heart or my head would lead me in the right direction but now both are just swimming in circles. Maybe I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. I should probably just relax. I have a tendency to complicate matters, sometimes intentionally but more often not. Alright. That's my three minutes of free time to write my thoughts out. Time to go out to dinner now.
I just don't. know.

Sometimes it feels like I'm purposely sabotaging my happiness but why?

Jul. 1st, 2011

I've got to get back to reality.

Jun. 24th, 2011

Just read through all of my entries. I hadn't realized that I was so back-and-forth about everything. The happy entries still make me happy but all the rest..

What does it all mean?
I'm a pretty mixed bag.

Apr. 20th, 2011

I'm fucked up. Jesus.

"UUUGGGGHHHHH" I think justifies my frustration better than anything I could type.

I just want to be 100%.

Really though, I could be just like everyone else and not even know it considering the whole world is made up of liars.


What does that mean exactly?

Mar. 13th, 2011

I am afraid I am with a man who will never make any permanent decisions. Everyone keeps saying "relax" and "does it really matter?"

Apparently it does. I am a girl that needs a plan. A plan that is not just starting "X" amount of years from now. A solid plan, where decisions dont just change on a whim.
I am so happy and so lucky, even with the flu!


fuck you and your untouchable face.
where are you now?
oh man.

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November 2011


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