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Jan. 6th, 2011

What day is it?

I have the day off but I am homebound because my car is still in the shop. So I just ordered some pizza to be delivered (no food in the house ftw) and I'm going to clean my room, do some laundry, watch a movie and relax (something I never get to do). If my life is so busy now..next week I'm adding on three days of school, what am I going to do with myself? Oh well.

I joined a gym and signed up for a personal trainer. I have only been able to have 1 session, and go to the gym 6 times in three weeks. :( thanks stupid car! But I signed up for my next two sessions, and it should be consistent with every Monday after school. I am determined to lose my 10 pounds and be all super skinny and good looking (insert zoolander voice).

Onward and upward!

Day 4.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

1. What I would do if the people close to me died. Extreme details included.
2. How I'm going to be in college forever.
3. My future with Michael. Happy thoughts!
4. WW3.
5. Any awkward moment I've had in my life, that was my doing. I like to replay them and hit myself in the head. Sometimes I'm too hard on myself.
6. Work is always on my mind.
7. Bills.

Christmas is coming!

Day 3.

Eight ways to win your heart.

1) Live your life with a sense of humor, you've got to be able to make light of things!
2) Have confidence
3) Buy me food. Better yet, cook for me.
4) Canoogle with me.
5) Send me adorable text messages through out your day.
6) Put it on me!
7) Debate with me.
8) Be Michael Bertollini.

Day 2.

Nine things about yourself.

1) I constantly have to remind myself to get my head out of the clouds. I am always daydreaming.
2) I am scared of the dark.
3) I dip just about everything in ranch dressing. Cheeseburgers included.
4) I cry quite often. It's pretty silly.
5) I believe in God.
6) Although I understand monogamy and why couples choose to practice it, it's not what I would choose for myself. I believe by not allowing you and your partner sexual freedom, you are denying yourself a right. Free love. However, a common misconception is that people who think as I do don't know true love or do not know how to make love. That is complete rubbish. I can just understand the difference and enjoy it all. It took me a very long time to realize this. Ps, Michael and I have a closed relationship because he kicks it old school or is it new school? Either way, he just kicks it with just me.
7) I wish I was closer with my extended family.
8) I don't really have a best friend.
9) There's so many people I want to call and catch up with, it's just every time I go to I just get stressed out about how it's just another thing I have to do. I want that to change. I need to have friends, and when I feel a connection with someone, because it's pretty rare, I should act on that and make sure they are apart of my life.

That's all. In a couple of hours we leave for Pennsylvania. If you are reading this, please send some positive energy our way. We will need it.

Dec. 5th, 2010

Sifting through pictures, of a life left long ago, a girl I used to know. You can't help but wonder what if? Six years ago who would have thought this is how it all would end.

There are so many questions. And there will be so many more the older Morgan gets older. I just wish she could have been shielded from all of the pain. She is so young and innocent. and my brother, I can't even begin to fathom what Christopher is thinking and feeling. At our age to have to tell your daughter that her mother is dead, the girl he used to love and had a child with. Unimaginable.

Day 1.

From PaleAzureSky, I stole it from you scott :)

This will give me something other than nonsense to write. Or really it'll just be more nonsense.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1) You have put yourself in a position that I am not sure you will ever fully recover from. I know that you could but you are far too scared of putting yourself out there, failing and being rejected. I wish you realized just how amazing your life could be. This makes me angry at you and sad for you.
2) You are a wonderful human being and you make this world a better place. I am so proud of you.
3) I overcompensate to bury my anger because I am terrified of you ever finding it out. I try to be as non biased as possible which is completely ridiculous.
4) I cannot wait to be your wife and to have your children, raise them with you and live happily ever after. If there is one thing I know for certain it is that we are meant to be in each others lives for eternity. You are my soul mate.
5) The mistakes you have made and continue to make will come back to bite you in the ass. And when that happens, I know I will be there for you even though you won't deserve any bit of my support.
6) I like that I am better than you and that a part of you will envy my life, for the rest of yours.
7) Thanks for being a super legit teacher!
8) It makes me sad that we aren't nearly as close as we used to be. I'm tired of excuses.
9) I carry the weight of your world and it is exhausting. This is a responsibility that I have allowed to be put on me. I take responsibility.
10) I want to punch you in the face. Period.

Well that was fun. Not very posi, though. Really, I am an optimist.

I just want to drink a java chip frapp and eat pizza.
The cold makes me want to punch everyone in the face. I am so irritable. I hate it hate it hate it.

Nov. 25th, 2010

Holidays are always a double sided coin. For the most part they just leave me feeling depressed. Every time I think about how lucky I am, how many amazing people I have in my life, I just start feeling incredibly sad for all those out there who spend their holidays alone. Those thoughts take over my holidays. Loneliness is the worst thing ever.
There's an unnerving feeling running through my body. I'm having trouble sleeping, I'm waking up feeling nauseous and stressed. I'm starting to think that I really just don't like working anymore, especially customer service. It's just so much effort every single day. I don't know. I used to love going into work. I was one of those freaks that would just perish without a job, I used to take pride in it. Not so much anymore. More often than not I just think about getting a simple desk job, nine to five. Pretty good thing to be saying a week before I start my new position in Ann Arbor. Awesome.

I'll figure it all out eventually.


fuck you and your untouchable face.
where are you now?
oh man.

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